Better Late Than Never

Sorry for the late announcement, but about two minutes after I published that last post, my contractions started. From 9pm to midnight I concentrated on breathing through each one that came closer and closer together before we left for the hospital and by 4am we had a baby. After only actively pushing through 3 contractions over a span of 12 minutes, our little GIRL entered the world...7 pounds, 8 ounces, and 20 inches of precious life. Purple, squirming, and perfect, she was laid on her mama and comforted after such a quick entrance into the world. It was a wonderful labor that left me amazed at the privilege of giving birth and the power of life.


Our little Hazel Torey is 6 weeks old now and is a real treat! She's a sweet addition to the family and it's hard to imagine not having her around. She's almost an exact replica of her big brother when he was a newborn...just with a little more hair and blue eyes. True to baby form, she basically poops, cries, sleeps, and eats...what more could you ask for? We're so blessed to be her parents!

Waiting

I'm nearing 39 weeks of pregnancy and the waiting game is beginning. I feel, of course, unjustifiably overdue since Sawyer was born at a convenient 37 weeks, right before I got to any point of true uncomfortableness or annoyance at my growing belly. With Sawyer, he just came before we even thought about packing for the hospital, before we started to wonder when labor would start, before strangers even considered asking when I was due (with a hint of sympathy and discomfort in their eyes).

This time around preparing for a new life to enter our family is different, mainly because we're a family of three with a little boy who I believe has NO clue what is about to hit him. We don't know the baby's gender and we don't really have a nursery ready (due to living with my parents, but it's not like a newborn needs one anyway, right?). We've tried to talk a bit about the baby coming, but if I were a betting woman, my guess would be that Sawyer will not be a fan at first. He's not one to embrace the unfamiliar and I suspect this will be no different. I'm praying that he will come to embrace his new sister or brother soon enough and not be too thrown off by the whole life-change, but who could blame him if he is? I believe it's a huge gift to give a child a sibling, but I'm definitely anticipating a bit of a bumpy road with his transition to this new way of life.

As I wait, I'm enjoying life with just the three of us. I am comforted by the last days I get to spend with my precious Sawy-boy...just us. I'm sure he'll miss our days of just the three of us, but I will too and I'm nostalgic for the three years I've had with just him. Such a concentrated (but healthy and balanced) love is something that I think you necessarily can only share with your first-born child while it's the only one. It's not that I won't love the second as much as the first, but really...I'd be kidding myself if I thought things would be the same once the baby comes or that this sweet second child will have as much 1-on-1 time as Sawyer did. It's just the reality of time and capacity. I'm trying to soak up every moment I can with him...despite not being able to  run and move around as much as I'd like with him.

As I wait, I'm preparing my body/mind/spirit for the amazing experience/responsibility of giving birth to a human being. How insane is it that a woman's body can create and sustain another person?!  Recently, I find myself looking over at Sawyer and TK and thinking, "you two will never physically experience the pain and pleasure of childbirth, and you have no idea what I am about to bear!" Carrying and delivering a baby is an awesome privilege. I had a very positive and empowering birth with Sawyer, something I give great thanks to my husband, our midwife, and our doula in helping with. It was an experience, though painful and intense, that I left knowing my body could do amazing things, and I'm hoping this time around will also be empowering. In the meantime...I'm trying to relax and reinforce in my mind that women have given birth without medicine for thousands of years and that my organs were made to embrace this coming pain and to deliver a precious life into the world. I've been trying to surround myself with positive reinforcement (some shown here) that says I can do it and that labor is not something to fear.

As I wait, I'm hopeful for the changes we'll embrace once this new life enters ours. Before I had a Sawyer, it was hard for me to imagine loving a baby right away or even grasp how that love would "happen." I know it's a common feeling, but now I can't imagine loving another child as much as I love my little boy. I've been told it's not "dividing" your love but that your love multiplies with each child...and I believe the wise people who claim this. Just like an overwhelming love came naturally for my first, I'm confident that that same love will pour into me when this sweet baby is delivered and that nature will take it's course. Despite my confusion on how you can love another child as much as your first, I am excited to snuggle up with a tiny little one, breathing in that fresh new-baby smell. It's an miracle to watch a person grow from being a newborn into a talking, thinking, and self-directed person, and it's a responsibility I don't take lightly. What an honor it will be to care for, sustain, and guide this new person in his or her life! Alright kiddo...make an entrance soon please!

Godzilla

One thing living in your parents house allows you to do is remember and reconnect with household objects you grew up with but may have forgotten. An item I have a new-found appreciation and love for is this crazy old kitchen knife we grew up with, aptly named "Godzilla." 


As a child or teenager, one typically doesn't give much thought to their parent's cutlery, but since my new contribution to the family (now that we're living here) is cooking our meals, I find myself using this knife many times a day. And I love it. I don't even know where they got it, but it's like a family heirloom. TK thinks it looks like some relic from the Crusades.


Godzilla may look and be old, but it cuts everything like it's slicing butter. I honestly try to think of what could possibly need chopped or diced just so that I can use it. For all I know, knives made these days are better, but not the ones I've encountered. So I'm loving this puppy while I can...and asking for it to be written into the will that I would receive it. We'll see if my siblings object. It could result in an eventual family feud, but I've just got to keep that knife! 

Letter to My Three-Year-Old

Since I've been so bad at keeping a baby book, I've tried to write an occasional letter to Sawyer to keep for him to read some day. Here's my letter for his three-year birthday that happened over the weekend.

My Sweet Sawyer,
Today you are three! I can't believe how fast you have grown from a helpless baby into a little boy who does and says and knows so much. I'm so proud of you every day and I can't imagine our life without you in it. I remember when you were born and I wondered what kind of person you would be...who you would become. It's amazing that some of that is already revealed to us in such a small person. Here are some things I know about you that I hope you'll continue to grow into and hold onto in your life.


You are empathetic. You have such an empathy for people, and that's not something a lot of three-year-olds possess. Even when you were a baby you seemed to sense when someone was sad or just not right...and your expressions gave away your emotions. I think kids getting scolded or others being sad or worried breaks your heart more than it does anyone else in a given situation. You're a sensitive soul and I don't want you to lose that awareness of people's feelings. In life you will need to balance your care for others with care for yourself and your own feelings, and I'll do my best to help you learn how and when to do that.


You are active. I believe you are an extremely calm, manageable boy, and I thank my lucky stars every day for that...you've made parenting seem easy to me. What's great though is when you have the opportunity to play and be free, you relish in it. To see your toddler arms and legs move and go brings me such joy! Not every child is blessed with physical strength and capability, so I want you to not take movement and play for granted. I hope you'll continue to take care of your body by using it as much as you can.

You are handsome. Now I know every mom thinks her children are the cutest, but really, you ARE! Sometimes I am struck by what a charmer you can be...your big green eyes and your small, perfect chin make me melt. To me you are physically perfect in every way. Remember though, that what makes you the most handsome is your kindness and love. I've met many attractive people who were jerks and they very quickly lose their appeal. For all I know, you'll end up turning into an awkward, nerdy teenager who is below-average looking, but I doubt it. Don't ever think you are better than anyone or more special because of your looks because that is not true.

You are silly. I love when you laugh and don't hold anything back. I can't think of many things that are better than tickling a little boy who is just beside himself with laughter! I love when you do a funny dance or make a funny face and look up at me or your dad with a look that says you know what you're doing is hilarious. I know - to a certain extent - that the coming years will see a loss of your inhibitions as you develop an awareness of yourself that will inevitably be influenced by your peers, but I hope you will practice feeling free to be silly and uninhibited. Experiencing joy without being self-conscious is priceless and I would think nearly impossible to get back once lost.

Oh Sawy, I'm so hopeful for your future! I'm excited to see the boy, teenager, and young man you will become in the years that will pass all too quickly. I pray that I will do my best to teach, guide, and encourage you in life...through both joys and adversity...so that when you leave the comfort and shelter of our home you will trust who you are and thrive! I think that's the best gift I can give you in life.


And even though I know that it will just get better and better to know you more fully, it breaks my heart that you are no longer two. Time has gone too fast and I can't stand that it doesn't stop sometimes. I just want to pause you where you are right now, but I know that won't work.

When I was growing up, my parents had a picture on their wall with a mom rocking her baby with this poem. It never mattered much to me, but now its words ring truer than ever to me.

"Cleaning and scrubbing can wait till tomorrow.
For babies grow up, we've learned to our sorrow.
So quiet down cobwebs and dust go to sleep,
I'm rocking my baby and babies don't keep."

I love you so much,
Your Mama

Well Done Postal Service

I'm typically not a fan of the US Postal Service and have had countless negative experiences with postal workers that basically seem pretty pissed-off that they have a job that requires an ounce of human interaction. I have however encountered a handful of postal workers who have been an absolute delight to work with and who have gone out of their way to bring service with a smile, namely a certain delivery man in the 60625 zip code and the wonderful clerk in 14720.

Well, they've given me a new reason to like them, and it's their newest "forever" stamp. Look how awesome it is...just take it all in.

Abraham Lincoln started 1863 off right and signed the Emancipation Proclamation, declaring all slaves in the United States to be free and the 2013 stamp commemorates the 150th anniversary of its signing and emphasizes its powerful statement on a design similar in style to the broadsides from the Civil War era. It is part of a civil rights set being issued in 2013 and I've already gone out an bought up a bunch.

If I could just use this stamp for the rest of my life, I'd be a happy citizen that would probably be inspired to mail actual letters again. "Henceforward," you can expect these beauties to adorn the front of my envelopes!

East Carolina Pulled-Pork

After Sawyer was born, we were the recipients of the kindness of our amazing church community that has a tradition of bringing home-cooked meals to people during their first few weeks as new parents. TWO WEEKS of food, glorious food from so many lovely people who are willing to lend a hand and serve us from the kindness of their hearts. Every meal was a break from the reality of having to make your own dinner every night.

One of our favorite dishes we received was from our friends Christina and Kevin who made some to-die-for East Carolina BBQ. TK and I are suckers for BBQ of any kind, and this was one of those meals you keep talking about for a few days, even after all the left-overs are eaten up.


We commandeered the recipe post-haste and have made it numerous times over the last almost three years. It's easy, it's delicious...it's made in a Crock Pot...what's not to love!? As a word to the wise, I'd advise placing your slow cooker in the garage, basement or somewhere where the vinegar smell won't infiltrate your home...it gets pretty intense around the middle of cooking and then wears off. Even if you have to make it in your kitchen though, it's worth any vinegar infiltration.


Basically all you have to do is place the roast in your slow cooker (after removing any excess fat), salt and pepper it and add 1 cup and a half apple cider vinegar to the pot. Cook for 9 hours, then remove and set aside the juices. Shred the pork, removing bone and obvious fat. Save 2 cups of liquid and add to them 1/8 cup brown sugar, 1/8 cup pepper sauce, 2 tsp crushed pepper flakes...and if you like it extra spicy add 2 tsp cayenne pepper.


We serve ours on a roll with coleslaw (and some BBQ sauce on the side if you MUST). Sweet potato fries go well with this glorious pork too. Now get cooking and enjoy!

Ingredients 

5-6 lb pork shoulder or butt (bone-in, excess fat removed)
salt and pepper
1 1/2 cups apple cider vinegar
1/8 cup brown sugar
1/8 cup pepper sauce
2 tsp crushed pepper flakes
1 tsp cayenne pepper
Coleslaw
Kaiser rolls

Directions

1. Salt and pepper pork roast and place in crock pot. Add 1 ½ cups apple cider vinegar and cook on low heat for 9-10 hours. DO NOT OPEN LID.
2. Save 2 cups of juices, and discard any additional liquid. To the saved liquid, add brown sugar, pepper sauce, crushed pepper flakes, and cayenne pepper.
3. Shred pork into crock pot and remove bone. Pour liquid mixture over meat. Stir and simmer before serving.
4. Serve with coleslaw, rolls, and BBQ sauce.